first entry.

i've decided to try and revive this blog to talk about being deaf. i really have no one to talk to about it, and the internet is always here to listen.

today is friday the 13th. i've basically had a horrible week. my manager has been out because she had emergency surgery, the pseudo-manager treats me like a slave, one of our workers quit, and my right hearing aid broke.

normally, i can deal with all of these things. except for the broken hearing aid. my job does not offer any sort of benefit plan. i have insurance through my parents, but hearing aids are very expensive to fix. so i have to go with out. this happens once in a while, every few years, for a few months at a time. my right ear is essentially useless to me. i don't use it. it is background noise for me. not wearing my hearing aid gives me vertigo, and makes me sick. i tend to get sick more when i go without my hearing aid.

let's talk about the journey that i've been through with my earing. my audiologist believes i was very sick at some point as a child, and had some irreparable nerve damage. at the young age of 11, my parents decided to try and see if a hearing aid would benefit me.

i thank god for this day.

at the audiologist's office, they took a hearing test, and then loaded the results into the computer, and were able to show me what it would be like to have a hearing aid. my mom said my eyes lit up. the first question i asked: "what is that whirring sound up there?". it was the ceiling fan. my mother could not believe i had never heard it before. i got to wear it for a few minutes. i didn't want to take it off. my audiologist ordered my aid, and i've been aided since i was. there was an adjustment period...but i was doing better in school. my friendships flourish. music sounded better. i almost wore in the shower once, and have never, never made that mistake again.

about 5 months later, i went into middle school. middle school was horrific. i had to get up earlier. i hated everyone i went to school with, except for my friends. my classes were awful. and my hearing plummeted. i lost nearly 50% of my hearing in the first three weeks of school. imagine that. stress directly resulting in totally, and completely screwing me over. at first, my AUDs thought it was just hearing aid malfuction. i had to have an MRI. i had more testing. i took steroids and gained 20 lbs. i got laryngitis so i couldn't hear OR talk.

all the while, i was a competitive gymnast. i will always blame my hearing loss on losing interest in gymnastics. gaining 20lbs at 12 years old... i had to buy new clothes. my mother let me sleep late a lot of days. i will also always firmly believe that this is what caused my anxiety and depression. after a while, my hearing stabilized, and has been about the same ever since. every other test, it either goes up a small amount, or goes down a small amount. i have allergies, so i can blame that as well.

i got new hearing aids 3 years ago, thanks to a state run program called VESID. the lady who helped me is competely deaf and did everything in her power to help me get my new aids. because she understands what it is like to be deaf. i am so fortunate that i am able to work, and not need an interpreter. however, i have a very difficult road ahead of me.